depression

I'm slipping into a depression. 

I saw it coming from a mile away but I've been pacing myself while it lingers in the back of my mind. 

The taxes, my mom, Andrea trying to defend her, having to call my mom, the car inspection being denied again, news about my car that I already kind of figured, the tow hitch smashing into my windshield, baking all Sunday for no reason because I ruined those cookies, work sucks and no one is doing anything about it, I dread getting out of bed to come here, everyone talks about working out and that hurts because I emotionally cannot, my family won't stop reaching out to me, my dad called the insurance company and left a lady distraught when she called me to see if anything wrong was happening with my situation in fear of me being mad, I cannot afford to take on an additional debt behind my car right now, I may not even be able to get financial aid for college and third party plans are no longer held to the same legal standards, apparently Whitney has been talking shit about me because if she felt comfortable enough to do it with Andrea, she's doing it elsewhere, and I'm just now fully landing solidly in Candice not giving a real shit about me. 

So none of that is fun and it's all reminding me of the worst parts of my life and my narrative and I haven't felt this shitty since last summer and here I am again, going into the summer upset. 

~

I was messaging her, liking her Stories, etc and she could not care less.

She does not give a shit. 

And as I am emotionally crashing out today, I have a group chat of gym friends making fun of a gym post and the wording they used to described one of our friends, offhandedly. 

~

And we're hiring a Candace. So that'll be something.