youch, with love

I drunkenly confessed to Brittany that I was in likes with someone but didn't say who. 

And she told me so I told her it was Candice. 

She politely checked the situation in this way:

I think I was just creating it in my mind because I want you to have the relationship you deserve. 

Youch lol. But she's not wrong.

I do really wish it was with Candice but I'm here and she's with her girlfriend.

I get it.

~

And I haven't brought up Candice really with Brittany since EMDR. I also told her that. 

I know no one wants me to settle or move backwards. Same.

I would love and will always wish I could have a healthy relationship with her. 

~

I don't know. Now I kind of feel like an idiot this morning. With my therapist for me to get in my own head. And I feel like I have just been wishfully thinking again romanticizing everything and I know I haven't I've been very honest and realistic about with myself about all the things I've been feeling. But now I just feel guilty and like I should never have done that and I know my experience smile and nobody else is in that situation ship relationship with me and her. That's why emotions are tough for me outside of feeling them it's having to share them and also face rejection about what I feel about what I experience and it is hard to know you're right when you spent a lot of your life depending on other people to validate your feelings. Yes I feel a little foolish and I'm just going to hold on to this feelings for right now cuz I know they'll go away at some point it's just and I'm a lot of negative stuff talk right now. and negative self-talk sounds like you f****** idiot why would you still have feelings for her why would you be thinking about her all that she will hurt you back up in your life she can't even leave her girlfriend she doesn't want to help the relationship I'm fully aware of all these f****** things but not in a negative self-talkish way just an effectual matter of fact way. I don't know what else am I supposed to do with my feelings burying them didn't work didn't work leaning in works but left me heartbroken like again like Milena said there's no right answer f*** why is there no right answer.