nightmare

I had a nightmare. 

First it started as a dream. I was in church somewhere and Libby showed up. Then she started talking about the gym and it started to feel like I may see Candice and I got nervous then worried. 

And then I heard her. And I could feel her standing far away but behind me, waiting for me to turn around. She was watching me. So I did everything I could to prevent her from seeing my face. 

But eventually I started teasing her with my side profile because sneaking away. 

But then I was immediately in my church. My old church. Both my parents were together and I only know that because they were sitting on the first row when I opened the side door, and immediately tried talking to me.  So I shut the door and before I could literally run away, I started having a panic attack. 

I slowed my escape to catch my breath and Sister King showed up. I thought she was gonna berate me, but she didn't. She was basically supporting me and saying how complicated or unfair and how she understood but I needed to like take care of myself.

Then I went to a house I don't recognize that felt like home. Which was really weird because it was just odd in there. 

But I was walking around, looking at stuff before opening the door and my parents started barging in and I was so in shock and so terrified, I just froze. 

All I could think is "oh no she found me. No, she's not supposed to be here, ohmygah what am I gonna do I'm not safe here anymore"

And before I could really register what was happening and how to fix it, my oldest sister came from the counter I didn't know she was at to obnoxiously greet them. As soon as I saw her and heard her tone, I knew she was the one who did it. 

It made me mad but I wasn't disappointed. And it broke me out of my trance and I immediately started pushing them all out of my house, crying out about how they are not supposed to be here and shouldn't come in. 

~

That dream, my memories that came back made me text my sister just now.

It's the only text that kept bothering me and I don't know why and I don't know that it was a good idea, but I did it.