lies I tell myself & discovery

This morning I've been very happy because I hung out with Andrea while she worked late last night. 

But also I have started in on my Candice "reprogramming"

So I've been saying lots of things that I don't want to get into but the last of them was: "she does not feel the same why I feel and that is very clear"

But then I heard the playback in my mind of our last call where she said "I know what's it's like to have feelings for someone and they not be available"

Number one: fuck

Number two: so she was probably going to just string me along and have a situationship until the cows came home

~

So... I don't think Candice is doing well.

And this isn't me trying to make her a martar or however that's spelled. This is me caring about someone I care about even though they hurt me.

We briefly talked about her tonight. I went out with Laura and Andy. And I was only slightly worried about third wheeling but it was actually lots of fun.

But Candice came up. I was drunk and ignoring all the texts that I felt coming through on my phone and watch. I finally looked at them and the first thing I saw was "Candice says bring booze" and I was like holy fucking shit. 

What?

But then I realized it was just a gym theme text about some party they're having tomorrow. 

But for about 5 minutes I was freaking out about it. Because my immediate thought was "oh no. She's infiltrated my group of friends and told them to invite me" and I starting catastrophizing ways to say no or how I could avoid her if I went. 

But it was just a gym party. So I just said "sounds like a good time! Yall have fun"

But later on, she came up again in conversation but this time it wasn't briefly. She and the gym were the topic.

Apparently everyone I thought was in her friend group quit except for DJ. And Andrea and her husband Rudy may still go but I want to say they said they also quit.

I was honestly shocked. Because they'd been going there for forever. And I know Laura said the other Laura was going to quit but I thought she was bluffing. Not in a "she doesn't have the guts" way. More in the "she takes no shit and is willing to walk but maybe this is just her fair warning"

Soooo I'm a little concerned. But there is nothing I can do about any of it. 

I don't own the gym. Candice does.