right now

I'm high. I've had a good day. 

Lots of things. 

I'm on my prescription drugs tonight. I definitely feel high in my body. 

Like the soles of my feet feel high. Which is weird lol. It's like they feel super relaxed but surely my feet aren't tense all day. 

It's a very pleasant feeling nevertheless. 

My mind knows my body feels high but my mind doesn't feel super cloudy. I feel coherent but also know I'm high. It's weird but I like it. 

I am pulling my hair because I'm nervous about all of this. Making friends, finding an apartment, medical cannabis, work, my relationship with Andrea. All the things.

I want to trust that I can make good decisions for myself. 

~

I just can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I've come this far. Aaaaaaaand a romantic song just started playing.  

I don't think they'll ever be a time in my life that I see a Mazda and instantly remember what it felt like being with Candice. She has such a beautiful vulnerability that matched mine perfectly. To meet someone and immediately share an attraction and be honest about affliction was... fucking amazing. I just wish she could take better care of herself. I wish she saw what I see. I wish she believed in herself as much as she believed in me. 

...ok. Song is off now. 

Whew. 

I wish I knew where this road is taking me but I hope I don't forget to be mindful of to in moments, grateful of how far it's brought me. 

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