poops

My poops have been WILD. 

It was so watery my first night here. And then I thought I was constipated. 

And now I'm on my period and I have been on the toilet for like 45 minutes with it falling out, off and on. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

newly alone and probably forever

Candice and I are never gonna happen.  She's never gonna leave Ashley and she hates me. And my mother has started being petty.  It's just me, by myself. And I know I have friends and stuff I may never have love.  Candice was the closest I've ever gotten and she was never even mine.  Now she has me, the mistake, running around and... Ugh. I'm an idiot.  I'm an idiot.  ~ She wanted me gone and made it happen and then I wouldn't leave her alone.  And I doubt anyone actually believes anything happened between us.   And my mother wanted me gone and she got what she wanted.  ~ I small part of my wants to not drive home and cry all day but I know I need to see my friend.  ~ She broke brain and my heart and doesn't have a single shit. No remorse. No apology. 
Read more

i hate cptsd

I hate this is my condition. I'm really struggling with feeling overwhelmed. With joy, new laughter, hurdles, people being kind, asking for help, being vulnerable. It's scary. It's really scary because I immediately start to doubt myself  ~ I think I'm ready to talk about things. I went into the run this morning with the group and that was good. In the beginning I did realize that another guy from the gym he used to who I used to talk to was there he left when his wife got pregnant a little bit after all that. But DJ came and the other Laura came and in the new guy / old guy was there. And everybody was really happy to see me. And all his question that of like are they happy to see that because of the Candice thing or they happy to see me because it's me like I don't get it. I did the run/Walk and it was good I did for a little bad because I fell down a lot to the point where I thought I was going to get left and I started being really mean to myself. And then I...
Read more

love

I'm very much in love with Candice.  The more i learn who I am and the more I realize what Candice saw in me, what she gave me, the more I love her. And I miss her so much. And I'm not sad but I am a little lol. I wish we could choose each other. I chose myself. I hope she finds her way. Even if she chooses herself she deserves to know peace in herself. I'll just long to experience that version of her and miss the version I had.  I wish alot of things for lots of reasons.   I don't know that I will ever not.  ~ She saw all of me.  My embarrassment, my fear, my shame, my internal struggles, my worry. My care, my kindness, my curiosity, my art, my quiet, my humor, my hiding, my duality, my reading, my awkwardness. And she persisted. She did everything she could to be near me, see me, talk to me, wait for me. She pursued me even when I tried to push her away. And I never really wanted to push her away. I just didn't want to share her. 
Read more