hyperfixation

I just had to unfollow a girl on Instagram because I got triggered.

I've been having a good run as of late. A little high right now and fine other than just being triggered.

There was this girl with a BPD disorder account that I was following to learn and see how people with BPD see themselves to get a little insight on how Candice may see herself.

Every so often one will get to me and today one not home hard. She posted about liking someone for 5 seconds and thinking they're their soulmate. And then people in the comments were laughing and saying how they do that and they're in a long-term relationship.

And it immediately punched me in the chest because Candice was and still is in a long-term relationship. 

And maybe I was just her hyperfixation.

Her pitstop mistake on her neverending journey. 

I was just a symptom of her diagnosis. 

Nothing more than a blip. 

A distraction.

A regret. 

No one. 

~ 

I thought maybe we'd find ourselves and then find each other again but maybe that's not the case. 

And I know all of this is assuming she has their same symptom but oh well that's what I'm assuming.  

Because it's easier than just everything being about me being treated poorly simply because I was. 

And I haven't seen her, haven't heard from her, nothing says she feels or felt like I did or do in anyway. 

I wish I could just get her out of my body.

It cannot be this fucking hard.