waste of time

I'm leaving the psychiatrist office and I was a waste of my f****** time and money. I wish I could take all this time back but just not have done that because it was useless. Just for her to sit in there within the first 5 minutes of meeting me immediately how I may or may not feel it's like going to a f****** doctor's office it's cold they make absolute statements of people they don't know and then expect you to be happy about that and feel fulfilled and treat it. I feel f***** at almost 300 dollars that's how I feel. Not excited I wish I could take all that back how much stress over I have wasted on today to be the same leaving that f****** office but left $200. Feel like it's a f****** waste I feel like I shouldn't have done it they're five why. It's just a oh you're fine you have a few OCD tendencies but nothing really major so if it's OCD tendencies why isn't it ocd. Because if you don't think hair pulling is disrupting my life I don't know what to tell you I'm sorry I don't fall under the major category but I'm still f****** in that number. So it's all just f****** stupid and I've never felt more like an idiot than sitting in her office and sitting in Kathy's office at the f****** doctor. I should have never taken her recommendation. Cuz you read all my paperwork you know when I'm coming in there for and then you tell me you can't even do what I want you to do why the f*** would you even take me as a client. If you know you don't do medicinal marijuana why would you let me come and see you if you know you don't do service animals why would you let me come and see you what's the f****** point. You should have just call me to confirm if I actually wanted to come in knowing you can do it two of the three things that I wanted of you it's not a service you provide. That's so f****** simple. Yeah you call me in there to do generalized testing for things are already f****** new. It's like no but that's a quick Google search you can find somebody to get my prescribed that why the f*** would you call me in here and tell me that you wasted my f****** money. If I wanted to go get testing I would have just went to go get official testing if I knew all you could do it that you did. I was just never f****** went to her that's how I feel I should have just done the testing and called it a f****** day. Well I can give you nothing you can and you're a psychiatrist and don't know what it's like dog is or you f****** serious. That was so f****** dumb I'm worried about her locking me away mean well how are you this morning you have to be doing your f****** job this was so dumb so dumb. And I f****** hate every last bit of it. And you know Dad and exercise going outside you don't f*** you and f*** your opinion I wish I never came in the f****** office I would have did something else. I feel like I just wasted I'm nervous to go see her for her to tell me s*** that's a waste of my f****** time if you can give me the diagnosis that you knew I was wanting because you don't know me don't call me and you're f****** office and you can't give me the resources I need at all that's not even on your radar and things you can do why would you call me and your f****** office you know how hard it wasn't for the f****** paperwork f****** stupid and I'm going to wait until after I feel better to leave a review or maybe I won't leave one I don't f****** know it was just dumb it was just stupid and I wish I never went in to see her I wish I just had to cancel my appointment and called it a day cuz nothing has changed nothing and I should have f****** listen to my dermatologist because what did she do here's an antidepressant f*** you go f*** yourself. Today my opinion is psychiatrist are useless what the f*** do you do you weren't good at therapy so you want to be a doctor that gave medicine even though therapists do the treatment. She told me for everything you have all you should do is keep doing baby why the f*** with you coming why would you take me on the client why why. I'm so f****** mad I'm so f****** mad so f****** bad. I've been worried about being locked away mean well I never even thought not getting help will be on the f****** table. Psychologists are useless what do they f****** do what do they do. This is so f****** stupid and I hate every minute of it I wish you so many emotions so much money so much time so much f****** stress or nothing for nothing for nothing. And we can just like we can't do it following appointment I don't want to see you ever again I pray to God I never have to come in this f****** office for a God damn thing I don't want no parts. I should have just did the f****** testing and called it a f****** day cuz what a wasting my f****** time and energy. I literally sat in there and cried for the entire appointment because why am I here. Why am I here. She couldn't help me with the goddamn thing all you're good for is prescribing it to the presents that's literally it that's it. I'm crying the entire appointment because I have wasted my money I was so afraid of nothing it's f****** b******* it's f****** b*******. It feels like everybody else in my life oh my God that sucks I wish I could do something you can take it into the present go f*** yourself. All I wanted was a diagnosis and this b**** just checked off some boxes on a test to tell me yeah I'm pretty sure you got it no s*** Sherlock no f****** s*** and you never angry right now how about that after you read all my stuff what were you thinking for today you have no f****** plan this was it that's all you sitting here dude that's a f****** ways of space why are psychiatrist even a thing at this point for what. Just call meto tell me she can help me because she couldn't help me if she f****** tried there is nothing she did for me today that makes me feel any better about anything at all. I've never felt so stupid. I told you everything I wanted in my notes and you still thought you were going to do something to help me today well did you think you were going to do everything I sit on there you can't do it's a waste it's a waste of f****** money. I should have never f****** went I should have never f****** went. This is so f****** stupid she even had the nerve to tell me well yeah everything you do right now is all you can do for the two things that I know you probably have go f*** yourself and I really don't think you have a city you know me all the criteria I don't mean all the criteria friends anxiety I don't mean for depression I don't want to f****** kill myself but I am f****** sad all God damn David there's so much stuff I cannot do because I don't feel like I have the capability to do it you know much energy it took me to get in the f****** psychiatrist office for nothing to happen that's a whole day's work I could have been at my f****** job sad at my f****** desk interacting my life for 2 hours or more. It is interesting my life but you don't know that cuz you don't f****** know me and you should have called my God damn therapist before you saw me today but you didn't do that either did you b****. She was useless I knew she could stand in my face that she wasn't helping me because I didn't say anything I just looking at her like what the f*** and she just kept rambling and rambling because what a waste of my f****** time. But we don't do I can't help you with the service center I can write a letter I really don't I can't help you with marijuana we don't do that here why'd you see me. But also if you're doing THC I will say I have time f*** you go f*** yourself I came here so I didn't have to do THC so I could do marijuana and you're telling me you can't help me with that why the f*** would you let me come in and see you for what money cuz what the actual f*** are you helping me with if nothing I'm living living. I should have just done this f****** testing well you could do testing is expensive b**** it's f****** expensive you're not going to spend that money elsewhere on something else that was more important to me than this that's what I could have did. I'm not at work. I just got a text from Andrea I got texting Taylor just want me to know these things I'm not at work. 

I'm just frustrated I'll wasted my f****** time. And now I'm about to start googling what the f*** is his good for cuz if that's all she doing I don't f****** need you I really f****** don't I'm going to take your little s***** ass later if you kind of see I'm not coming to see you again I don't want you to send me recommendations I don't like you I don't trust you I'm going to go with a therapist I have and call it a f****** day. What a f****** joke what are you f****** joke. See her I hate it I hate it I wish I could take all my time back I wish I could just take today back and not deal with that b******* I wish I never went in our office I wish I never f****** matter I should have never gone I should have never gone in there they're literally just a therapist who can prescribe and that's it that is literally it how much longer did you go to school just to give me medicine for my primary doctor could diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder b**** I didn't f****** need you for that I really f****** didn't got the f****** testing cuz everything else is useless and my f****** check engine light is on I can't catch a f****** brick I really f****** can't I'm so f****** tired you're supposed to help me all you do is make sure it worse literally I just feel shittier. I just feel shittier that's it that's all I just feel shittier. It was not helpful at all. I could have saved so much time and energy and money I feel like I can't make good decisions. Should have never f****** went in there to see her I should have just went and taking the f****** test I do need to get a new but don't let it goes even again I want to get a new f****** doctor who actually trust to f****** help me stop it should not help me at all she just made things worse I feel like I'm exactly where I was to begin with and she knew she wasn't helpful the worst part of everything she also I told her to write a letter to send it to my therapist and she's like you sure was email address what actually I'll just write her saying yes you have anxiety and yes you have PTSD and I'll just do you want me to just put in I'll just put in there that I'm going to roll out LCD no b**** I know I want you to f****** put in there so it took me a minute and told her. I get this your professional opinion but if you're telling me there's more extensive testing I can do to rule out the testing cuz you can't f****** help me you can't say yes and you can't say no so don't say anything how about that keep your f****** mouth shut. And she's just trying to explain it away well sometimes all these tendencies even though they're ocd-related can stem from different things b****** OCD you can call it a tendency if you want to watering down my experience because you don't want to make a diagnosis because you're not sure doesn't f****** help me and you're right you don't f****** know me you don't so you know me well enough to know you are not sure but you're sure to say no I don't have it wish f****** one is it which one is it. I am pissed the f*** off royally pissed the f*** off why the f*** is my check engine light on

~

Still on my way home and I'm just really disappointed because I just want to know what's wrong with me. And I thought today would give me a solid answer and it didn't it f****** did it. It was just I went in because I want to know what's wrong with me and I wanted these two things that I thought would be helpful. So I was very disappointed to know that this doctor could not help me in the ways that I wanted and there's no it's it's not useful for what I went in there for and I wish somebody would have just communicated that to me before I showed the f******

P I'm not waiting to leave a review I'm going to leave one. She did not have to see me in person at all to do any of the stuff she did today. I hardly said anything about anything. We never put over depression at all. Well she's surmise especially everything that was in my intake report and her only suggestion was antidepressants and therapy and I'm already f****** doing therapy after reading my intake paperwork she should not have seen me just called me and had a short consultation over the phone to go over the s*** she already f****** knew before I came in there to begin with it wasn't helpful at all

I did not find the services helpful to me personally. I've been in therapy for years and I finally made the jump to go see a psychiatrist because I thought maybe an official diagnosis and I had a few things in mind that may be helpful as far as resources go. I did all the intake paperwork and when I showed up who the things on my intake paperwork or things she could not help me with and the other thing wasn't extensive enough for me to even get that either. So I don't understand why I didn't get maybe a short consultation call up on reading my paperwork to see if I still wanted to come in. I wasn't I didn't get the help I thought I would get. And they help I did get where things I already knew. So in my case I wish I had just skip this and done the extensive testing outside of ever seeing a psychiatrist formula in this way. I could have saved a lot of money and a lot of stress.

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I feel like a phony. I feel like a fraud. I feel like everything is wrong with me but apparently not everything-- just 2 things.

And I feel like a fool. She made me feel foolish. I feel like an idiot. I don't feel fine and I don't trust that things will get better. And I'm exactly where I started. 

I feel like I should be happy with what I got today and I'm not. I'm literally upset 

I left my review because she should have never agreed to see me without first lowering all of these expectations I had. 

I just feel stupid. I feel dumb. I feel like an idiot. But I just more feel railroaded and unheard. And silenced. And I don't want to see another psychiatrist. She kinda put a bad taste in my mouth. 

I feel like I'm not enough. I'm not fucked up enough. 

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She also gave me medicine choices on a fucking sticky note. No info, no sheet of paper. Just "here are two medications you can Google". 

And when I asked her what other resources she could recommend or treatment outside of medication she said nothing. Medicine or therapy.