rough morning

My neck is sore, my hands are sore from being stabbed, I just pooped and now I'm crying on the toilet. 

She really ripped my heart out. Just casually ripped it out of my chest. 

I've also decided I'm done talking about her with anyone that's not my therapists. Done. 

What happened between us? Nothing 

Why'd I quit the gym? Because 

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I've been posting about this shit, sharing my side of things, defending her, crying off and on, dreaming of things working out. 

And she just went back to her life as if nothing happened, nothing changed, none of that meant anything to her. 

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She used me and then dropped me like a bad habit. And she proceeded to continue on with her life as if nothing phased her. 

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Candice has already come up today, and from Andrea ironically.

Apparently Facebook suggested my friends to her, Mia and Tori aaaaaaand Candice.

I just added Mia and Tori as friends this week so I told her it may be that they went through my recent friends and looked through there. And I didn't tell her that I messaged Candice but now I'm assuming she did the same thing.

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....here I am trying to get over her and she's lliterally coming up in conversation with Andrea. 

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She brought it up again, but this time with Tatum when us three were talking. 

So I told them she probably came up because I messaged her the other day and asked her to block me because I don't want to see her and her girlfriend together. So she did.

And she took a second and then asked how things were going over there, meaning the gym. Which is also odd. I said apparently things are weird. She asked for more so I gave a quick summary. The religious group, how I think that's her girlfriend's doing because I don't think Candice is very religious, and how her girlfriend is supposed to be moving here and that tracks because if they're gonna stay together after that, she would definitely want to keep an eye on her. 

So there. I let out as much of the truth as I wanted to. 

And then she went into her lesbian talk, she was surprised to see Candice's ex married a man, yadda yadda. 

I'm not mad but it is kind of odd that Andrea would bring up Candice at all and then ask about it. It could honestly just be me overthinking it though. Maybe. 

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The same girl who used to wait on me outside of the bathroom and wait on me at the front desk is just silent. 

Tatum asked me earlier if she's ever said anything and I said no, which made me sadder. 

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I'm getting my car to leave home to go to work. I'm starting over I am in my car on my way home and I got in and I thought everything was fine until I start driving and realized no air was going out of my front fence it is strictly blowing on to my toes thankfully I'm wearing sandals today there's also not blowing out of the top fence the internet says girl Google your air filter change what is the reason I learned how to change my own f****** air filter look at this s*** sick of it. You like every time I'm in the mood this f****** s*** happens and I didn't even love attracted I've been doing really f****** good but feeling my feelings and letting things just f****** go and be the way they are. As best as I f****** can. I even like calm down just like remove like reserved myself low battery mode we used to call it I have done that to try to preserve my sanity and this s*** happens I don't understand what the f****** problem is 

S*** is weird at work. You got an office argue with about nothing it is getting on my f****** nerves it's just dumb oh f****** you got to be s******* me learn how to f****** drive come on this b******

It is f****** 103° outside I'm hot and it's f****** car and I can't even do my journal I'm on my way to work on my way home because my air won't work in the vents so now I'm stuck just rolling my windows down and enjoy my ride to work and that sounds like I'm being ungrateful and it's not what's happening here I'm f****** mad cuz it should be working the way it's supposed to do I'm tired of s***

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I watch my favorite podcast? First 2 minutes-- they are talking about a Candice. Candice Owens specifically but still. 

What the fuck

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High and Bumbling, determined to get over Candice.