advocating for myself

P I am leaving Dallas on my way to our old house to go get a package at accidentally went there from target. I went to Dallas to go visitory cuz she's moving back home before she moves away to Colorado and got my first parking ticket. 

And even though I can't afford the parking ticket. That's not what I mean I'm doing voice to text while I drive back home. Even though I can afford the parking ticket, I decided to contest it. I'm used to just rolling over and paying it just because and calling a day cuz I don't want to start a fight and do anything. But that's going to change because there's no indication that I shouldn't have parked where I parked even though there was a fire hydrant there I did not see. Usually when there's a fire hydrant somewhere there is no parking near and there's a red line on the ground saying don't park here and there's also signage that will say don't park there. Then no parking in the red line or always the signage is not typical but sometimes people do that. where I parked there was no signage no red line and there was a parking spot right there that's why I parked right there. And I have the inkling to move up when I got there but I did it because I was like if this person comes out and wants to leave they can just back all the way up and it'll be easy and it'll go about how close they are to my car it's perfect. Cuz who wants to be the douche that parallel parks behind a stranger so close to where they can't leave. So that's what I did cuz I didn't see the f****** fire hydrant because there's no marketing center can't hate her the fire hydrant and what color is the fire hydrant silver and yellow it's not red like they typically are some outlandish color that makes you see a fire hydrant and it's off to the side where you wouldn't even notice it depends like based on where you park and once you parked behind it you wouldn't see it. So I'm contesting it will it actually go somewhere I don't f****** know but I do know I want to plead my case at least and we don't see what happens. Because it seems like you just want people to park there so you can charge them money for parking there when they did not see the fire hydrant it's f****** it's f***** up. So I'll be having a city hearing at some point to contest to my whatever whatever. I think I submitted it three times because the internet was not giving me confirmation that it's admitted so the last third time I submitted it was like he's usually says contest or virtual hearing and I had to click virtual hearing so I guess they got the first two contests online submitting that I did. But I also had to give it off my chest until I was thinking about it and I didn't want to ruminate and go through all the things it's a s***** thing to experience I can afford to pay it if I have to I don't want to even if I have to I'm not going to go down without a fight and not even like a but I'm not going to go down without talking about get there in the room and they fix that for the next person because it's very predatory. So yeah if they don't listen to me maybe they'll just wave it just because hopefully I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know and I think more and more in this season in my life I'm okay not knowing but I'm not okay not trying. 

so if I'm going to do something I don't want to do based on principle or because it makes me feel uncomfortable or any kind of way out of whatever whatever I'm not going to do it just because I'm not rolling over anymore I'm going to say my peace and then do what I have to do after that depending on the circumstances within reason. So yeah I feel like the old version of me and my inner child or just like argument arguing inside about whether or not this is a good idea and doesn't even f****** matter why would you do this waste your time because I f****** want to it's important to me so we don't see