coming down yet again

Slept fine, still feel like an idiot. 

Currently shitting my brains out because I had a salad after eating shitty for the longest because I don't want to cook because I don't want to be in this house. 

I hate this.  

Of course after 27 years of avoiding intimacy, I fall for and open myself up to someone who's more damaged than me.

Of course. Why would that not happen?

All roads lead there, right?

If this is what falling for someone feels like every time, as of right now in this moment today, I don't fucking want it. 

~

I blocked her again. Because of fucking well so what, what's the point. 

I don't want her over here. 

~

I've come back down from this fucked up Candice high to just be angry and hurt by her.

I keep telling people Candice would never hurt a fly, but look at me: a human person with feelings that Candice hurt and let stay hurt and confused and, now, feeling more alone than ever. 

~

MaYbE sHe DoEs CaRe

NOT ENOUGH! NOT NEARLY ENOUGH!

She's pushed me to the side like the problem I am and went on about her life. 

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