02PC - it's not fair

I'm up way earlier than I want to be and I had to break my sleep that was the best sleep I've had in a while.

It's not fair. She stole from me.

The pettiest thing I could do is leave a Google Review with snapshots of our correspondence. 

~

Or I could start planting seeds.

Text and ask for a link to their Google Account.

I'm gonna do it because I need something.

~

I did it. 

I didn't text and ask for a link. I just went to their page and did it.

It's honest and it's professional:

I really enjoyed my time at the gym. I loved the classes and friends I made there but had a tumultuous relationship with ownership that negatively affected my experience. It unfortunately overshadowed the things I loved most because ownership was unwilling to compromise and it became too uncomfortable so I decided to quit. I hope anyone who decides to join has a better experience.

Next step: getting people to like it. 

~

In a matter of 2 hours, shit has hit the fan.

I was unsure about it at first, but I did send out texts to people I trust to like my review. And because I have a high review status, it is the most relevant review at the gym.

I went to the new gym. It's fine enough. I just really want to stay in the habit of working out. Before I went in, two people had liked my review so far. And I texted Stephanie my message and she was also shocked and disappointed. So I sent her screenshots of our last emails.

I text Andrea before I went to grab breakfast. I told her I'd finally figured it out. Because Candice keeps using her title as an excuse, because she used her position to force me to quit,  I followed her lead. I used the only true power I knew I had to see what would happen.

In a turn of events I never saw coming, I pull into the drive thru line to buy breakfast and her girlfriend has requested to follow me. So I accepted. She can dig around all she wants, it's fine. But I didn't request back because I don't want to see her and Candice together.

I quit the gym on BTWB and signed up for my own subscription.

And now we see what happens next.

~

Holy shit. She messaged me.

~

Candice thought I would go away quietly.

Candice banked on me going away quietly. That's why she implored me to quit. 

She didn't think I'd say anything. She didn't think anyone believe me.

And honestly, same.

I didn't do that and she is not taking it well.

I never expected what happened this morning.

~

I'm not stupid; I'm generous.

And I am NOT weak.

~

So, her girlfriend messaged me on Instagram.

It was fucking WILD.

I only accepted it because I thought she'd be confronting me. Asking questions, demanding answers, yelling, calling me names. You name it.

I did not expect her to do this:

Hi good morning 🌞 and happy Wednesday! I hope you’re having a great week and enjoying the beautiful spring weather 🌸 

Candice has been crying all morning and really questioning herself as a gym owner and a leader. I was trying to figure out where all of this was coming from, and she finally showed me the recent business reviews online. I haven’t ever seen her this upset, I’m not sure what to do or how to comfort her. 

I don’t think I’ve ever known someone who has cared so much about the members & community like she does. I tried to remind her that 99% of her community sees her hard work and knows she is doing her best 💪🏼 And I told her God sometimes puts people in our lives to challenge us and ultimately it makes us better and stronger, just gotta keep pushing forward 🙏🏽 

But, she is still incredibly hurt and confused. Please let me know if you have any advice on how to make her feel better ❤️‍🩹 I don’t want her to quit! I know her gym is her heart and soul

BITCH.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

First of all, when she messaged me all she knew was Candice was full own bawling all morning because someone left a bad gym review that hurt her feelings.

One person left a bad gym review. Out of almost 200 people. It's literally just one review.

Crying? Ok. Crying all morning to the point where you're reaching out to me? The person who left the bad review. To do what exactly?

When I tell you I never in a million fucking years saw that coming?!

What the fuck is that?

"Please let me know if you have any advice on how to make her feel better"

WHAT?! Are you joking?

You want me who's basically in love with her to tell you, her actual girlfriend of how ever many years, how to console Candice? The girl who wouldn't let me go? The girl who forced me out of her gym? 

And you want me to tell you how to make her feel better because you "don't want her to quit?"

What the fuck are you talking about she OWNS the gotdamn gym?! Why the FUCK would I, a stranger, know what to tell you to do as her GIRLFRIEND?!

I had to stop making my breakfast and take a minute. I was set to make my foods, go sit outside and relax and come back in ready to work. 

Now I have to console you so you can console your girlfriend?

I know my blog is just some random person on the Internet but I am not making this shit up.

And I'm not gonna lie, a part of me did hope that maybe Candice was inconsolable because she did feel the way I felt and even though she told me "she's being professional but I can shop around" I think she never thought I'd actually leave.

Because I haven't left yet, I haven't aired her out yet. Maybe she thought I'd stay and concede and let us go back to the way things were.

Well Imma tell you right now, you outcho muthafuckin mind. 

So I process for a second and then my thumbs went to flying.

Ashley, I'm gonna be very honest. When I saw you messaged me, I thought it was to confront me. 

I really thought I knew and I could trust Candice even though we've only known each other for a short period of time but I don't know who she is anymore.

I've talked to Candice on three separate occasions. She may be hurt, but so am I.

I don't know what version of events Candice gave you, but from the sounds of it, it's not the entire truth.

I set boundaries with her once, I enforced them twice. She has always been kind to me until I asked her for the third time to respect my boundaries.

In the end, I basically begged Candice to respect my boundaries so didn't have to figure out where her head was at with me because I really wanted to stay at the gym. She basically went from someone I thought I could trust to respect my wishes into this person who played dumb and basically told me to quit. 

We had an emotional affair, by definition, and I ended things last summer.

And then I saw she started typing and I was like 'naw, you wanna reach out to fight her battles? you want me to make her feel better? you walked yourself right into a problem. stand ten toes down'

I told her I liked her and I didn't want to have emotional talks with her anymore, and i blocked her on everything. Her and the gym accounts. Because she would sporadically reach out to me to keep me hanging on.

She seemed to agree, so I decided to stay. 

But then she went from ignoring me to checking in with me often, telling me she liked my hair, being flirtatious. 

She even texted me a few days before Christmas after gym hours.

It was confusing. Especially because Candice likes to use her title as Coach to hide behind her intentions.

So I asked to talk to her again and we did. I explained things over again. And she told me she was only reaching out because she wanted me to know she knows she hasn't been around much and that I could still talk to her if I needed to. 

The exact thing I told her was an issue she told me she wanted to start doing again.

So I told her I understand that, and while I would love to do that, it's confusing so I can't. She seemed to understand and I moved on.

And then it started up again when she came back recently. So I emailed her this time and we talked. 

I was more than fair with Candice. I never asked her for anything more from her than respecting my wishes. 

She did not want to do that. 

And I know you know her better than me but that's my truth.

I can send you our last emails if you'd like. I can even confirm some personal things about her, if they're even true.

Candice knows all of this. I was more than honest, more than fair.

I have really tried to make things work because she knows I never wanted to quit. But the last time we talked, she acted confused and told me to shop around.

So I quit.

I really like Candice and I really love the gym.

But in the end, Candice was a friend who did not respect my boundaries so I did what was best for me.

My review was kind and honest and I left it because I needed to honor my experience. 

If Candice actually wanted to fix things, we have already talked about how. She has my number, she has my email, everything. 

I just talked to her on Monday and it did not go well. So I quit that afternoon because I was hurt by her and the way she treated me.

My cancellation wasn't processed until Tuesday.

Candice had ample time and opportunity to keep me as a client if that's all she wanted to do.

I really like her but I can't keep putting my feelings last to protect hers. 

I have to take care of myself and that's what I'm doing.

I'm just one member out of many. You may want to ask yourself why she's so upset about me.

And you wanna know what she said?

Thank you for sharing! I appreciate your time ♥️ I am happy to hear you loved the gym, I can tell it’s a special place to many people. I hope you enjoy the rest of your week ☺️

You cannot make this shit up.

So I conceded because I said all I had to say, hoping to knock a little sense into her. Either she'll catch it or she won't. So I ended it with:

If you ever decide you want to know more, or get both sides of things, I'm here.

I've been in therapy for almost 3 years and I started seeing a second one last year because of Candice.

I know it may be hard to believe because it's hard for me too sometimes, but it is true 

I have no reason to lie or be unkind.

And then she liked it. 

That was all before 10 o'clock in the gotdamn morning and I had been up since 5 fucking 30.

And at some point today, she unfollowed me.

And then later on, Candice responded to my review. I'm not her only bad review AND I gave her two stars AND she left the longest response to my very generic review:

Thanks for taking the time to leave us a review, ______! We love that you enjoyed our classes and our community, which is something we take great pride in. We really are sad to hear that you've decided to leave. Our goal is to treat every member with the utmost respect while providing as much support as professionally possible. Hopefully all of our reviews reflect that! Please know that it's common practice for us to check in with each of our members because we genuinely care. We strive not to treat anyone differently than anyone else. Our regularly scheduled check ins are in place to ensure our members needs are being met. You know we want to see you succeed and I do hope you find what you're looking for.

And she went from being inconsolable right back to being a fucking bitch. 

But my friends have been very supportive all day and made excellent points about her and how she's handling things. 

And bitch who the fuck is we? And why are you telling on yourself? And why are you making accusations at me?

A part of me wonders a lot of things? 

Did Candice ask her to reach out?

Did Candice know she was gonna reach out to me? Or did she sneak and do it and accidentally stumbled upon the truth?

Was she really inconsolable? You couldn't call her family or friends?

Did her girlfriend think that would really make me take my review down?

Did Candice make her girlfriend unfollow me when she found out?

Does Candice even know her girlfriend reached out to me?

I have lots of questions that will never be answered and that's fine. 

I got what I wanted. I was seen and I was heard.

Just not quite how I experienced. I honestly thought no one would ever even see it but Candice. Why would members of a gym look at the reviews? I've never even looked at the reviews until now. I thought I would just scream into the void and maybe someone would see it by chance at some point and know "oh! So that's what happened to her. That's crazy"

I did not ever, in my motherfucking life, think that I would be explaining to her girlfriend that no I'm not gonna console the bitch that hurt me.

So here I am, dumping this absurdity here instead of plastering it every else. Because this is fair. This is me being kind.

But Candice doesn't fucking care. She only cares about herself. And her girlfriend seems to only care about Candice.

Plot twist of the motherfucking century, let me tell ya.

I didn't know what to expect before and I SURE as shit don't know what to expect now.

And therapy was good lol. I had a good time.

I am, quite honestly, still in disbelief.

~

I never thought when I was crying in my car, parked in a random parking lot on Monday that this would be happening. 

~

Who was reaching out to Candice when I was crying at work, crying in therapy, crying on another therapist's couch, crying in my car, crying into towels in my bathroom, crying into pillows in my bedroom, couldn't sleep because my brain was wracked with thoughts of her, couldn't find peace at the gym for fear she'd corner me?

Who was there for me? My friends, my therapists, and myself.

Talk about blurring the lines of professionalism. What the actual fuck?

But I do want to thank both of them for not only proving me right, but digging themselves into a hole that I'm keeping in my back pocket.

Because if this is the version of her that's upset in Austin, miles away from me. I'm an very nervous of what it may be like once she's back in town, if she ever comes back.

...."you know"

Fuck you, Candice.

You know. 

Where was your river of tears when I was hurting? Where was your professionalism when I asked for space? Where was your willingness to fix things when you told me to shop around?

You grossly underestimated me and, to be fair, so did I. 

I'm done doing that. 

~

I'm rereading her response again.

It's full of 'we' 'our', 'we' 'our'. Very "generic" and professionally disconnected. 

But the last sentences "You know we want to see you succeed and I do hope you find what you're looking for."

That's her talking to me directly. And I don't mean grammatically, because obviously duh. I mean that's her breaking the fourth wall.

She stepped out of character and made things personal between us-- again. 

~

I'm honest in private with her, she takes advantage of me.

I'm honest in public about her, she's the victim.