me and mia

Me and Mia spent the day together

We did the butterfly exhibit, my first rodeo, split a mid-day snack, bonded. All the things. 

I learned that:

Crawford is her brother

Nipple Boy flirts with literal every girl with a pulse

Libby was married 

Libby and Nipple Boy slept together 

People and coaches quit the gym right after that. I didn't get a date but I'm assuming it was around the time Candice's girlfriend came to the gym and she ignored me because soon after, Nipple Boy was gone. 

Apparently she basically had been making him work from home while she put out the fires at the gym. All the while she's juggling whatever we were doing. 

So I gained another perspective I didn't have before. 

I didn't tell her everything about me and Candice but I did tell her that I told Candice and that we used to have talks. She said that liking Candice isn't a big deal because everyone does and she talks to everyone. She used to take someone out for coffee when their mom had cancer. And she said when Candice disappeared it was because she was in Austin with her girlfriend. Apparently Candice's goal is to leave here and go be with her, there. I was right about that, at least. 

So, maybe I am a fool.

But also, that doesn't explain the over sharing, the looks, her asking me about my love languages, her teasing the way I shake my body after lifting, teasing me about the way I fiddle my earrings, teasing me about my hair flicking, her knowing my love language and then finding a way to spend time with me, her complimenting my hair when she knows I like her, her reaction to me putting on lipgloss, her reaction to me telling her I feel like she can see me, the hot and cold, her pushing my boundaries, her ignoring me in front of her girlfriend last time, her looking at me last time her girlfriend was there with all that fear on her face. That looks is ingrained in my memory. 

Her pushing my boundaries is the biggest red flag because I told her I liked her and that the emotional stuff was too much. And then she went from avoiding me to making herself seen to asking me how I was doing to texting me late at night and early in the morning, all while with her girlfriend. And the fact that she still wanted to talk to me even though I told her I liked her and that we needed space. And the fact that she got defensive about me declining her offer.

So, again, I'm happy that I've been honest with Candice about how I feel. I'm glad I told her I like her. I'm glad I told her I'd love to share all these things with her but I can't because it's confusing and it makes it seem like she's interested.

I don't know why she's still being weird to me though. 

Guilt? Shame? Attraction? 

I don't fucking know how she feels. I just know how I feel. 

And I'm really happy I don't have the hottest tea in the gym, even if other people have picked up on the vibes between us.