little dance

I haven't been on her Instagram in a week. 

It feels easy but I also feel drawn. My curiosity is working hard. 

I know I've told her on two separate occasions that we can't, but it's all I want to do. 

All I want to do is be wrapped up in her. 

Her, as a single person who's back on the dating scene, back in therapy. 

Is this balance? Feeling my feelings but not acting on them anymore. 

Ignoring her when all I want to do is lean in.

I also haven't seen her in a week.

Last time, I was off work and she was waiting for me when I walked in.

I think yesterday also bothered me a little because I'd let yet another person who was attracted to me, liked talking to me, but failed to pull the trigger.

...this is why I liked when I was angry with her. Because it's easier for me. 

Having to hide how I feel, refrain from falling into her, keep pushing her away. 

And a part of me is worried that I'm gonna cave.

Because she knows how I feel and keeps coming, trying. 

I can't give her me like this.

And I just wish she'd be fucking honest instead of giving me these lines.

'Im in a committed relationship' 'someone who's unavailable'

Fuck, man.