irritable and sad

I did this entry using voice to text and I really don't want to revisit it because my feelings were hurt and I was crying and I don't want to read it. So I'm just gonna leave this jumble right here.

~

Well I ended up burning myself Sunday while I was cooking because my mind was thinking about candice. It was not exciting it hurt a lot and I knew immediately why it happened. I haven't seen her in like a month now and although our time apart used to make me doubt anything ever happened between us and now is a much larger sign of things that happened between us
I've just been really irritated and sad and it makes it like the other emotions that aren't as heavy but these are pertinent. I'm just really tired too of all of the things. I just didn't realize how much I was depending on go to make things better. And now I'm crying because doubt doesn't really make things better just makes it seem like it's better and it's not. They just suck and now that I'm not doubting that things even happened now I know they did and they now sucks right now it sucks a lot. And I'm remembering when it was like to be with her in The Way we were and it was such a good time and the pleasant moment you're really pleasant I just wish all of me was present in those moments but I'm actually enjoyed them. Instead I just didn't trust myself so I just made myself believe things were real I made myself believe things were not real it's just more grief and feel like I missed out things and then also sadness because I don't have it I don't have any version of that anymore and it's just s***** that feels really s*****

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