im sad

I'm officially a little down.

The turning point?

I went to volunteer today and it was fun. People were excited to see me, someone walked up to me to give me a hug. 

And I was having a blast until an old lady asked me about Utility Assistance. I was like... I just so the arts. And we talked through a translator for a minute before I realized she had me mistaken for another black person. They were really sweet about it but it kinda gutted me a little bit.

Because I felt invisible again.

And it reminded me of Candice.

Because she seems to be making an effort to not see me. And even though I set boundaries, it still feels like I'm not getting what I want. Like she'd rather fully avoid me than respect my wishes.

Which on one hand is fine but it also hurts my feelings and I'm not used to this. Just sitting in it. It fucking sucks.

Because if she is avoiding me, I have never had someone who just couldn't be around me. And I know I basically iced her out to her face but at least I was around. And she deserved it.

I don't feel like I deserve this. I don't feel like it's fair to be stuck at her whim basically.

~

She's still doing what she wants. It'd be different if she's been avoiding and never stopped but that's not the case.

And it extra hurt my feelings because I wasn't gonna talk about it with anyone until I got to therapy. But Andrea asked me about my weekend and I talked about all the things and then she asked about Candice. And I was like gaaaaaahtdammit.