being avoided

It's been four weeks of me, seemingly, being avoided like the plague. 

How does it feel? Like shit. Feeeeels like shit.

And I thought I'd be the one to break this stupid...basically no contact situation.

Two weeks ago, I planned to go to the gym comp with Mia. I figured Candice can't avoid them and she seemed to be out all week but still make it to the compa. But got sleepy while I waited and then went home. Mia texted me that she'd made it but I texted her that I was going home.

This past week I went. Mia didn't come, but Tori and Kaylin did. So I hung out with them and a few others in passing, laughing. It was a good time.

Candice was not there. And I wasn't the only one who noticed. 

But I still enjoyed myself. Tori even hugged me before she left lol. It was so sweet, it caught me off guard.

We left before the coach's heat and Kaylin mentioned she'd stay if Candice was here to see her workout cause she's so fast.

And I left disappointed on one hand but happy on the other.

I figured she was busy with her girlfriend, having fun, living her best life, probably on a trip. All the things that would be an alternative reason for her to not be at the gym during a competition where she's one of the team captains.

Imagine my surprise yesterday when I saw a picture of her with Libby. And I was like 'huh, maybe this was from the prior weeks because Candice was definitely not there Friday' I brushed it off and kept moving.

Until this morning. I got the gym email and guess who's in the group picture?

Candice.

So either this is yet another convenient coincidence or she is "on her Zoom" with avoiding me with intention.

Thursday Libby asked me if I was coming for the comp and I said yes. I hope she hasn't been relaying that to Candice in order for her to avoid me thoroughly.

So, that's great. 

It hurt my feelings to hear her say she'd been trying to be there for me but because it felt like she was doing whatever she could to get me to talk to her again, to keep me around.

And then she shocked me by showing up the next time I was in the gym and seemed happy to see me.

And then that following Monday, she looked terrified to see me because her girlfriend was there. That hurt my feelings. Because we literally just talked and you were saying something different.

So I ignore you during class while you pretend like you don't flirt with me at least once in every class. And the final chance I got, I took. But you found a way to make sure I couldn't avoid fist bumping you. 

And then you make a point to put things away, walking past me and probably listening in on my conversation. And then you catch me off guard by saying bless you when I sneezed. 

And then you stop your car to talk to me before going to the social. 

And then you speak to me while you stand right next to the girlfriend I wish you never had, knowing seeing her with you is the reason I even blocked you. 

And then you spend the night with me in your line of sight, finding reasons to jump in my conversations, cock blocking me from innocent flirting.

And then you're waiting at the front desk the following Monday as soon as I come in the gym. And because I asked you to not ask me how I'm doing, you instead ask me what class I'm doing just to talk to me and get me to talk to you.

And then you come and stand outside the bathroom door, waiting next to the dog you know I love to hang out with, trying to make me stop ignoring you yet again. 

You just keep hurting my feelings. And before it just felt confusing. But now I have my feet settled more in the truth of things.

I set boundaries you proceeded to cross because you didn't like them. And now you're being weird to me and I don't like it.

~

I am high as a kite, just ordered foods and confirmed my therapy appointment for tomorrow.

I was scrolling for a movie tonight and apparently one of her favorite movies is leaving HBO. How do I know that? Because she told me.

...I'm gonna watch it. It's called Dutch.

~

Dammit. It's a pretty good movie.

And I've literally laughed out loud multiple times.