my monday off and on

I am on the toilet looking at Astrology.

Why, you ask?

Because on my way back from volunteering, which was a blast btw an old man there called me pretty, I was like 'huh, I do know gym girl's birthday now. lemme see what the astrological of it all is.'

I don't really follow astrology but it does pique my interest from time to time. I'm a curious person who loves to know so in times like these, I go to the charts for extra umph.

Mistake.

She's an Aquarius, apparently, and her compatibles? Aquarius, Libra, Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Aries.

I'm a fucking Gemini.

I mean, there are five more options there but I was kind of hoping to not be on the list. That way I could use that to go 'see, we aren't a thing'

~

Aaaaaand I just clicked one link offhandedly aaaaaand guess who the two most compatible soulmates for an Aquarius are? Geminis and Libras.

...damn.

~

At the movies, looking at my author friend's Stories for book recs. She recommended one book as pure filth, 10/10, I run to go find it.

Read the book synopsis and the Female Protagonist shares gym girl's name.

FML.

~

I saw her today and she's still just as everything as always and I started Googling her

*crying emoji*

I didn't find anything crazy. It's regular stuff. But I did come across something where she said she'd been co-owner of the gym in 2017. So she's being doing this for a loooong time. 

Long enough to know how to turn it off and be professional if she wanted to be.

...unless she really does feel how I feel.

Which brings me to today. I saw her.

The version of her she is sans her girlfriend. The relaxed version.

The one who gets nervous and smiles. The ones who hands I stare at when I don't think she's looking. 

*Sigh* Fuck.

I saw her and I was still irritated, initially.

I know you can see through the doors at the gym when people enter. 

She was standing in front of the front desk. As I came in, she turned around and knocked something over on the desk. I thought 'great' and tried to sneak right on pass as she turned around to pick it up. But then she started talking to me. 

She was mumbling a question and I turned around and asked 'what'. No tone, just a question. And she asked if I was doing the 5 o'clock or the 6 o'clock class, and she used her fingers to indicate the times.

(Here we go lol). Ma'am you own the gym and you can see the schedule. I booked my class 3 days ago before the workouts were set. I'm sure you saw I'd booked the class when you went to log the workout.

But I just smiled in my head and said 6. And she nervously backed away and said ok 6 o'clock to herself. And walked away.

And I went to put my stuff down.

And I ran to the bathroom because I really had to pee. Almost immediately, I could hear her outside the door in the open gym area. 

I thought maybe she'd be gone by the time I wash my hands.

Putting soap on my hands and could still hear her. Immediate thought? Fuck.

I go out the door and start to beeline to the doggy but stop for a millisecond. She's standing there, right there, to the left of the dog I love.

And I know she has clocked me whenever he's here. I wave at him on my way to change and I actually stop to let him sniff my hands as we greet each other when I'm on my way back to the couch.

She knew where I'd go as soon as I came out of the bathroom. 

So there she was. Smiling, playing with the dog, looking at me.

I hesitate and stop in my tracks. And I clock her black guy gym friend from the corner of my eye, standing to lift but also watching the interaction.

So I'm like 'how can I make this not weird' She started motioning and talking to me, I'm assuming to make me laugh.

So I stepped a little closer but not close enough to touch him and just waved and spoke to him before going to the couch. 

I pulled out my book and could hear her talking until she walked out a little while later.

Then I set myself a timer to read a bit before going to hang out with the doggy.

Then I got too in my head. I could hear gym girl still in the main gym, with the class and I was worried dog coach would come and get her dog to leave before I could love on him.

(I'm also high right now and thinking to myself that it must really make gym girl jealous to see me spending time, smiling, and physically touching this dog and not her lol. But maybe not, idk)

So I put my book up and went to the floor.

He immediately started loving and licking and cuddling. Then he put his face in my vag and I thought 'well gym girl's gonna hate this' lol. He laid out and the started getting comfortable.

He'd sprawl out across me and I'd love on him. He licked me and I'd love on him. He'd sprawl out again, same thing. 

And one point someone I didn't know in class stopped by and joked that the dog had found a nice setup or comfy spot or something. I looked up, laughing and said yes. And then there walks gym girl, watching.

I just kept trying to avoid looking in her direction. But she kept coming by. 

As class was getting ready for the second workout, she stopped by again. She walked past. Then went to get water from the fountain. And I was like 'huh, weird.' Then she looked at me, smiled and made a comment to me about her water bottle. And I was thinking to myself, 'what, you literally just drank from the fountain.'

And she walked past towards her literal water bottle that was sitting on the floor. 

She kept saying something but I couldn't hear her. She picked it up and smiled at me and I broke. I couldn't take it anymore. The horoscope, understanding she's emotionally unavailable. 

I broke. Not knowing what she said, I added my own little joke. I said 'it was me, I stole it.' And laughed it off. She laughed and it felt good. 

I immediately thought 'ok, that's it but you're not off the hook'

Right before class started, she was standing off to the left in front of me watching them workout. Her black gym friend came up behind her and gave her a friendly nudge to knock her over. She tipped but was quick to recover and turn around to jokingly play and size him up. 

And I thought 'there she is.'

I really fucking like her.

I'm making my Do's & Don'ts list about her too because I want to be intentional this time around.

Fuck.

She really does like me. 

I really pray she starts therapy again. 

And I selfishly hope she breaks up with her girlfriend.

Because she's found more of a reason to show up and be around me than with her actual girlfriend during that class. The social was better but only because she was working with her. Even when they'd come over to our table, her girlfriend was sitting down and she was still standing up away from her. I saw her sit more at the last social. But she could have sat down beside her once I left.