feeling fear on the surface

I feel afraid but I don't really know why. 

I partially think spending time with my family yesterday did it. They scare me.

~

And after a quick Google search, I think I was right:

"Your perception about safety, sense of the world you live in, and your beliefs about life are all questioned and the ground you walk on no longer feels solid"

They don't look like me. They no longer feel like me. But at the same time, we are genetically connected.

What if I the work I've done doesn't matter? What if deep down to my core, I am just like them?

Being around them yesterday sort of made me feel hopeless. 

~

Aaaaaand she's still with her girlfriend. 

So that's great.

I really need to start dating.

I'm not surprised. A little irritated. 

I really need to commit to pushing her away.

I really want to commit to pushing her away.

Let's start with my porn choices.

Fuck.