residual shookness

Sooooo, I did wake up several times this morning. 

To be fair, one of those times I really had to pee. The other times, my brain was just bothered. It was hot, my thoughts were running.

I did manage to fall back to sleep each time but it took some work. Flipping, turning, the works.

I kept telling myself 'her [perceived] emotions aren't my responsibility' over and over again.

And now I'm reminding myself that she's not going to say anything. 

Even when I blocked her, she still never said anything. She just showed up looking upset and sort of acting assertively. But she never used her words.

And I get it. What was she gonna say? Her admission would've made her guilty. Well I've got news for her WE'RE GUILTY ALREADY!

This was an emotional affair that had an abrupt, non-verbal ending only for me to step in and finally push her away in the healthiest way and nicest way possible.

She will just be however she's gonna be and that's about her. I didn't do anything wrong, we didn't leave off on a bad note. I did what was best for the both of us and put words to what was happening by accepting where my emotions have put me.

Her emotions are her own. Her actions are her own.

I need to practice not to internalize as much as I believe she does.