being compassionate to me

I still miss her and long and feel all these feelings. The only thing I know to do is what my therapist would always say: show myself compassion and be kind to those feelings.

It doesn't make me cry anymore-- yet lol. 

But I do miss her. 

I was crying in EMDR yesterday about it. My words were 'I didn't want to do that, but I needed to.'

And my therapist agreed and understood.

She encouraged me by explaining why it was so important and such a big deal to put my needs first. Because not doing that would look like doing what I think gym girl would want me to do.

She also said that she thinks gym girl might have turned red in the face as a physical admission of guilt. 

And I never thought of it like that.

~

I just had the time of my fucking life with one of our locations at Top Golf. It was fun!

Today was fun. I had Thanksgiving with our FW office and me and work friend's stepdaughter went to Central Market. It was my first time in Central Market. 

I cackled at lunch and had such a fun time.

And then Top Golf with TX was a fucking blast.

I cackled with our owner all night. We kept not betting each other. I cackled with the President too!! He is such a good time. I really like them.

If they do sell the company, God I'm gonna miss them!

Oh! Someone told the President that I bake lol! They were legitamitely bragging lol. It made me blush on the inside. It was really nice. 

And he was so excited lol. He asked if I was really feeding their office lolol!! I said I give them my leftovers and asked him what he likes. He turned into a little kid lol!!! He said he likes little delectables LOLOLOL! And he said his wife bakes and she's really good and he should pair us up and I know my face lit up! I was like YES, please!! There's so much stuff I don't know how to do yet. He said she makes the best chocolate chip cookies without a recipe and my eyes lit UP!! So hopefully that happens.

And I'm still a liiiiiiiittle tipsy.

And thoughts of gym girl keep coming and going. About how I wish she was there. I wish I could be doing that-- enjoying that with her. I wish I could tell her all about it. I wish I was leaving there and coming home to her.

I even posted stuff from my Stories to my Timeline, hoping she's see it from the gym page. But she probably won't. What if she hid me from her?

....damn, man.

Ok. I gave those thoughts space. Now I'm gonna fill my gratitude jar and enjoy my Instagram clips of tonight until I fall into a drunken slumber.