a tad stressed

Me is a little stressed right now.

I had a really good morning. 

Therapy was great. Then I went to brunch.

Food was fairly decent, but a good time was had. A guy guy tapped me on the shoulder and told me he loved my nails so that made me happy.

Then I came home to a collections letter for the IRS. And they're not letting me know they're coming after me. It was just a "girl, you owe these people some money so pay them or start paying us"

I didn't realize it had been a year since I paid the IRS...sooooo needless to say, I transferred some bank funds and matched that with some credit card and voila-- tis paid off.

But now my Savings is smaller and my Credit Card limit is too. And I know that's the point of a Savings and Credit. And I know that I now have this lingering debt that was literally a little over $600 is now gone. And $600 vs the few grand I just dropped to fix my effing car is small in comparison.

And I'm grateful I even have a credit card limit like I do BUT money is still one of my biggest stressers. Even when I have it.

So what did I do? I started on my 2022 books for taxes. I'm never this far behind but I just kept putting it off. 

And starting that and combing through that money, pulling bank charges, credit card charges. It's just stressful. Like, I know I'm doing ok. I can afford my debt. But it just makes me feel so horrible. Like I'm not safe.

Like I've been irresponsible.

And I was trying not to cry because I can't work and cry. But then my computer froze and I was like fuck. I guess now would be the perfect time to cry. 

And so I did lol. And honestly, I'm glad I did.

I leaned back in my desk chair, put my palms on my chest and let the tears fall.

After a few tears, I wiped my face, blew my nose and decided to distract myself.

I'm not even supposed to be writing right now. I literally told myself I won't write about this, I'll just make my food video instead.

But here I am. Pooping and writing.

And I feel a little better.

~

And I'm all finished!

I fucking did it!

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