feeling alive

I have never felt more in my body than I have after telling gym girl how I felt 

Yesterday at work, me and my work friend chatted the day away lol. I updated her on gym girl and then we worked and then we wasted majority of the day cackling and telling each other stories.

I told her about my previous Dom and she was like 'aaaaah that makes sense'. And then we talked BDSM and I actually gave her some tips on a few things she can use to reintroduce spice into her life.

Last night I got high and it was an experience lol.

Mostly I couldn't believe I told gym girl how I felt. I just kept reliving that moment and if felt like a dream lol. Her reaction, my awkwardness.

It made me feel real. It made me feel alive.

And I kept vividly imagining what our life would be like together if we did end up together. And I would immediately change the channel. But I did briefly enjoy those thoughts.

And as much as I don't like getting close to Leo I literally put myself right out there. I not only risked rejection, I risked a deeper connection.

And fuck me, ohmygah. It's exhilarating lol.

The vulnerability hangover made me mentally exhausted yesterday and I thought it would hit me again after sharing with my work friend. 

But right now I just feel fully present.

Still keeping an eye on my emotions and feelings as the week continues.