masturbation motivation

I broke my sleep this morning. I don't really know how or why but I literally just woke up at like 3 am.

So I just went to pee just because and got back in bed. 

And couldn't sleep.

So I masturbated. Came twice, still nothing. I will say I didn't enjoy either orgasm.

Now that I'm questioning things again, my masturbation motivation is gone. 

Fuck.

But I'm about to roll out of bed, appreciating the good sleep I did have, accept the sleep I lost and make the most out of today.

~

I also would like to enter 2 new things into discovery lol.

Gym girl and my last Dom have 2 things in common: both former military (one Marine, on Navy) and the both drink black coffee.

What's the correlation there, I don't even know.

~

Well, Monday is Mondaying and I'm about to cry before 9am. 

Fantastic.

~

I did have a light tear drizzle.

Shit hit the fan with office stuff over the weekend. Credit card account limits that popped up out of the blue, stuff declining. We have close to 20 cardholders that can't use their cards. t's a shit show.

I'm in a frenzy to update people, answer regular job questions, contact the credit card company, troubleshoot, make payments, and then I have to call them to see how we can get our declined purchases reprocesses and I'm at work BY MYSELF.

Am I kicking ass, yes? Am I also already over it, fuck yes.

Ohmygah why.

Ok. Let me keep working.

~

Hit another wall and I would also like to punch a wall.

I'm gonna just take a beat and eat my super late breakfast because, Jesus.

~ 

I finally took a second to put stuff in the fridge, pull last week's stuff out, put ice in my water, refill that, microwave my last Hot pocket.

And now I'm hiding out on the toilet from my emails.

I literally unlocked the door and immediately got a text to tackle the biggest shit storm first thing this morning. I put down all my stuff and immediately started putting out fires.

We discussed in EMDR last week about how we'll be focusing on Parts of self in this type of therapy aaaaaand I thought it'd be fun to do that right now.

I don't remember/know the names of Parts but here's what they sound like:

- Fuck this, ohmygah

- I should've stayed in bed this morning

- I can't believe I'm about to eat my last Hot Pocket

- I wish I had a "normal" morning

- I've done nothing I actually wanted to do this morning

- I can't believe this is my life, both in a good way and a very "how, sway" way lol

- Can I recoup today? Will I be able to bounce back and get back on my track?

...not gonna lie, I thought that list of thoughts would be longer. Turns out, it's not AND it was actually really helpful to get that out of my brain.

Ok.

Aaaaaand break.

~

It's been about an hour sense I last wrote and guess who is white-knuckle steering the ship back on course *insert hair flip*

I already feel so much better. And the sun's coming out.

.....*knocks on wood*