her today

I saw her today. She seemed off-- maybe sad?

She came and joined class, facing me but across the room.

And I ignored her until I couldn't.

I knew she was behind me while we were reviewing workout because that's where she always stands. So I didn't know what to do when I got ready to turn around because I couldn't avoid her anymore.

So I turned around and looked at her. She wasn't looking at me. In fact, I'm pretty sure she was set to ignore me. No one was talking to her; she was just zoned out almost, stretching with a band. 

So I spoke first and got her attention. She looked at me and spoke back and then fist bumped me. She wasn't as animated as she usually is. Which just made it extra awkward because my tone was very 'going through the motions' polite.

Then back to ignoring her while I got ready to do first half of workout. She didn't do the workout like the rest of us. She stayed in her spot across from me, facing me and not too far away from where my group set up. 

She was just stretching with a band. Talking to people that passed or wanted her attention. But just mostly stretching, not really squatting. So maybe she injured herself? I don't fucking know. 

But every time I got ready to squat I could see her from the corner of my eye.

And then I ignored her for the rest of class. And by ignore I do mean snuck a few glances between breaths.

I don't know. She did stop by and fist bump me and every one else as class was over. I gave her a small smile and she, me.

I did enjoy class. I laughed alot with the Coach, his stand-in assistant who cracks me up, and my other friends. I also have really good weight lifting communication with my partner today. So if was nice to support her and vice versa without putting forth much effort.

*sigh*

I think I feel a little guilty because literally after I wrote that letter, today happened.

But I'm trying to spin it to where the story doesn't revolve around me: maybe she had a rough day, maybe she's on her period, maybe she did hurt herself a little, maybe she was just tired. I don't know.

But I do still care. And that's tough. I cried in the car for a little bit on the way home.