feeling shame

Today, I feel like an idiot.

I gave a quick overview of Saturday to my coworker friend to take her mind off of her super shitty weekend. 

She asked me how was it and I said it was normal-- fine but still feels like there's something beneath the surface.

And she said "we'll that's ok. It might be but that's still not fair to you"

And first of all, ouch lol. Secondly, where the lie?

That one statement pulled me back to where I should be mentally instead of where I want to be.

And I know the only goal in this situation is to let my healing/grieving ebb and flow. But I feel like that last ebb was a huge wave that took my under.

So, I feel dumb.

And I know I don't have to. I didn't do anything more than just exist and experience and enjoy. I didn't lean in a bunch, I didn't overextend, I didn't try to do anything.

I just being and doing, which is the goal.

I don't want to handle this perfectly because it's impossible to handle this perfectly.

BUT, still feel like an idiot.