entering dangerous territory

I caved and watched her Story.

It was just a regular post.

I can feel my emotions getting the best of me. Longing is reeeeaaally coming in hot.

This would be much easier if I could set these rules and stick to them. But then that's me trying to handle this perfectly and there's no such thing.

So I'm gonna say, today I leaned in because I honestly just wanted to see if it was going to see something about her being single.

Fuck.

Ugh.

Ok.

Note to self: if she is going to choose me, she is going to have to do it herself. No innuendos, no subtext will ever be enough.

I want more than that because I deserve more than that. I don't have to settle for less.

I can focus on other things, my mental health, my spiritual well-being. 

Find a healthy distraction.

~

Well, romance books are still off the table. And same thing for movies and shows.

Anything love-related makes me run away instead of running towards it like I always have.