leading on

I don't know how much longer I can keep reading into things.

Last week, the girl at the gym was coming on so strong. And I was so happy.

She finally initiated things last Friday and every since then she's been on me. So much so, I've just assumed she must be single. 

We shared so many moments. I could feel her longing. The way she looked me in the eyes while she talked to other people, the way she checked me out, how awkward and cute she has been around me, the way she has sought me out around the gym, the way she worked out next to me, the way she teased me during class.

She start liked my Stories, she finally started watching my Stories, I added her to my Close Friends, I liked her Stories. 

I thought we were getting somewhere. I thought this was flirting. I thought we were flirting.

I'm really sad right now. I am legit crying.

I think she's still with her girlfriend. She posted a screenshot of them on FaceTime. Could be innocent, I know. But I also know, I don't know that they're not together still.

I've been reminding myself of that OFTEN. 

I just don't know. I don't know what I want to do. I do know, but I'm not sure where that will take me. I'm afraid of losing. 

But I'm also terrified of knowing the truth, because what if it's mean? What if it's both things, she has her fun cake with me but only eats with her girlfriend.

My gut is telling me that maybe they're just still friends. The girl has made move every time I've seen her.

But my brain is telling me that I can't be right. What if she's not flirting with me at all? I mean, I know she is but other people have confirmed it. But what if she isn't?

What if she isn't?

So after an amazing week of flirting with her, after spending time with my best friend this weekend having all the fun imaginable, I've spent almost my entire morning ugly crying aty desk because I was so SO happy with all the things. I thought we were getting somewhere. 

Now I'm crying myself to sleep.

I fucking hate this. This not knowing is bullshit.

And now I have to decide which one I prefer: guessing and driving myself up a wall or asking with the possibility of being rejected.

All I kept thinking about this weekend is how we're finally coming together. But what if we're only slowly passing each other through the night?

There are more signs pointing to us happening now than ever, but they're just signs. I really want to trust my gut, but what if it's wrong?