turning point

You recently turned twenty-eight.

I won't get into the specifics but let's just say you had a nice home to yourself, lunch was jazzy, your nails look great, and you definitely had "An Evening You Will Not Forget"

(pause for dramatic effect)

Tonight was a turning point.

I've logically identified that I've had unfathomable amounts of healthy change happen in my life but tonight I felt all the feels. I teared up several times at a few different songs and I cried majority of my drive back home.

Sitting down amongst so many people and realizing that this is my real life and I'm living it was really scary but exhilarating and gave me a sense of peace.

I'm finally living my life for me. I'm getting to know peace personally. I'm free from the bondage I'd felt doomed to always carry.

That realization also led me to another.

I know why the girl at the gym scares me so much. 

I am able to identify her as a fantasy bond. Which means she should be playing by my unwritten fantasy bond rules. "The love and romance is all in my head because that's easier than getting close in real life"

Fantasy Bonds are meant to be strictly fantasy. BUT she's breaking the fourth wall.

I feel like we've gone from her hovering over me, to us circling each other, to us now facing off.

Keywords: "I feel"

None of this has been blatantly proven to be true. It could still all just be a fantasy.

But something is telling me there's more there.

And I do really want to be friends with her because we are SCARILY similar and it interests me-- she interests me.

I'm just scared I'm going to get closer platonically and end up too close to the sun.

I'm scared, but it's a good scared.