what living looks like

She taught class. She felt flirty. She felt possessive. She is hot. And she seems emotionally intellegent. So I took her up on her offer and asked if we can be friends. She said yes. I'm going to either get hurt or be very happy.  Gotta remember my boundaries. I am in control of what I do and/or don't do. I can pace myself and take breaks as needed. I don't know which but I'm willing to see what happens so I'm taking the chance. To be continued. 

You recently turned twenty-eight. I won't get into the specifics but let's just say you had a nice home to yourself, lunch was jazzy, your nails look great, and you definitely had "An Evening You Will Not Forget" (pause for dramatic effect) Tonight was a turning point. I've logically identified that I've had unfathomable amounts of healthy change happen in my life but tonight I felt all the feels. I teared up several times at a few different songs and I cried majority of my drive back home. Sitting down amongst so many people and realizing that this is my real life and I'm living it was really scary but exhilarating and gave me a sense of peace. I'm finally living my life for me. I'm getting to know peace personally. I'm free from the bondage I'd felt doomed to always carry. That realization also led me to another. I know why the girl at the gym scares me so much.  I am able to identify her as a fantasy bond. Which means she should be playi...

I met with the girl at the gym today. Honestly, my life is one step ahead of my therapy right now. Which really isn't good or bad. It's just that usually I felt more in control of where my life was going. I'd leave therapy and have a plan of offense. Not I'm playing more defense than ever. Anyways, I met with her. I have been actively avoiding her for forever. Am I infatuated we with her? Just a little lol. But that is why I've been trying to steer clear of her. She made that damn near impossible this week. And I am the one who unintentionally opened that door. I thought I was sharing just enough but apparently it was just alarming enough. I thought I'd write down everything single thing that happened so I wouldn't forget but I think I'll just hit the highlights. - She does have a girlfriend. And she's trying to "figure her situation out" right now - She is just like me. She married someone who was bipolar and she's married a narcissis...

"What emotions do I want to feel six months from now" Passion Longing Desire Joy Amusement Peace Belonging Safe Free

I am going THRU IT right now. I'm am on my second existential crisis; for this year and in life in general. I've Googled all the things, tried a few of them so now I'm going to try riding my thoughts all the way through via writing instead of trying to force them down. "What do I think could've triggered this one?" #1: My dad has officially moved out While this is a good thing, I don't think I ever believed it would happen. I didn't believe my mom was going to follow through with it. I thought my dad would put up more of a fuss or start being mean and vindictive. I thought my family back home would rally around us just to be nosey. I thought alot of things, but I never gave much though to him actually moving out. Now that he has, I'm glad. It was an uncomfortable process but not really painful or hard. Maybe emotionally difficult for me. Fielding my anger while trying to shield my mom was a big task I'd taken upon myself. I really wish she woul...

So, really quick. I have been going around in CIRCLES about my Gym Crush. Since I last wrote about her, she followed me on Instagram-- at prime booty call hours. I was high as a kite sitting on the toilet when I got the notification. The smile on my face was immediate and permanent lol.  I immediately went creeping. And we are very similar. VERY. She had a pretty straightforward profile. Her captions were very personal. I couldn't figure out if this one girl is her girlfriend or not.  Since then, she added Highlights to her profile. Immediately took a dive. And I'm leaning more towards that girl being her girlfriend. Dissappointed but not really deterred. I'm not sure why. Usually that's my sign to cry and exit left. But I have done neither.  I do feel like we're at least going to be friends. Were too similar not to be. At first it was a feeling. A very unsettling feeling. I finally figured out why she fucks with my head without doing anything.  She sees me. Or at l...