tonight, I lived

I did so many things tonight that I never imagined was possible!

After learning about my inner child yesterday, I did sulk a little last night. Not gonna lie.

But today. Today, a bitch LIVED!!!

I bought a Nintendo Switch for Christmas. It was expensive but affordable. I've wanted once since the pandemic, but back then I really couldn't afford it so I invested that money instead. And even though I made a good decision, looking back at it I can see that I chose what I felt I "should" do vs what I really wanted to do.

I went to my first company Christmas party. First ever in my life and first ever with this company. It was magical. Magical! I invited a friend to come with me so I wouldn't be alone and I had the absolute best time. It was awkward for she who shan't be named BUT this ain't about her. It's about me. The party was amazing. It was beautiful. The company owners raved about me to me. They were pleasant to be around and it really felt like I was seen and valued and right at home. Coworkers were so freaking nice and welcoming. It was nice to hear people say how much they enjoy me. It just all felt so genuine. I saw my absolute favoritest person and immediately cried. She's an absolute wonder, God bless.

Tonight, I danced. I fucking danced. With coworkers, with friends, with strangers. I danced how I wanted as awkward as I wanted to. And the most important thing that stands out to me: a coworker was asking me to dance and when I said I wasn't good at it she said something to the effect of 'none of us are, we work in an office' And then I got up soon after and had a good time.

I went to my first club and danced for hours to my own beat. I danced with a man!! It was short and cute and innocent but it counts lol.

I just am truly happy right now. Joyous. I feel it all over. I feel safe. I feel present.

I love it. So while I'm laying in the hotel bed at 3 in the morning, I had to write about it so I can come back and remember this feeling.