what living looks like

 I broke down today. I was in a moment and watched my opinion be ignored in real time. It broke me. It's still a little upsetting. It wasn't even that it was this huge ordeal. But it was a tiny reminder that my voice isn't heard, what I think or believe isn't good enough, how I feel doesn't matter. So I tried to suck it up and hold myself together. And I couldn't. So I went to the bathroom and cried just a little. Then tried to suck it up. Didn't happen. I finally just removed myself from the space and went to my room to actually bury my face into a shirt and cry. Today, I honestly feel like shit. I feel really shitty. I feel like I'm never going to be where I should be in life. I feel like I'm always in a situation where I'm being dragged around. And I never ever go kicking and screaming.. And even though I'm crying again right now, I'm going to take my new therapist's advice (long story) and list some things I'm proud of myself ...

     I was hit with an epiphany last weekend that proceeded to throw me off all week. After a really good therapy session, I came home and did what I love most: shared what I'd learned. That was a Friday. I went to my mom and was so freaking happy to share with her something that literally changed the way I understood life to be. My therapist shared 3 diagrams and they each worked to explain how people generally operate when they interact with each other and how boundaries work in turn. I ran through a general whatever just so she could see the gist of all the everything. She seemed happy and impressed and I was happy. In my mind I was like "yes! hopefully this helps her as much as it has already helped me!" Saturday , on the way home my mom brings up the aforementioned moment. I don't remember what the context was and it honestly doesn't matter because what she said next, no exaggeration, hit me hard as hell: "You came in and told be all those things and I ...