what living looks like

I had a good, terrible day today. I'll try to break this down. I sent out this document thinking I had broken everything down and expecting a few changes here and there. Please call or email me if you have any questions. My thoughts were: this will be fine; if she needs me, she'll reach out. Well, a few days later I see a email sent after hours with my "big" managers CC'd about how this other person doesn't understand why I was missing so much information and she can do this job if it's something she needs to take over. She was basically formally bitching and making me look bad. First and foremost, I was pissed. Why the fuck would you make this a bigger deal when I literally asked you to add any changes or updates and talk to me about any questions since I created the chart and it's my responsibility. In hindsight, I immediately realized I should have explained better and double-checking my work before sending it to her. And I should have called the fi...

Growth looks unreal. So unreal, I legit have started to feel like I'm disassociating sometimes. I'll have a moment where the new me goes against my normal reactions (in a positive way) and it sends my mind off. Like, I drift away from myself almost like I'm on the outside looking in to make sure it's still me. And maybe it looks unreal because I never thought of it as a possibility for me. Maybe a part of me just assumed I'd stay the same so everyone is comfortable and I'm sort of comfortable and that would equate to an easy life. Growth looks scary. Allowing myself to live more freely and open myself up to the people around me makes me feel vulnerable. And, as we discussed previously, vulnerability mean I'm unprotected. And being unprotected is scary as shit. How will people react? What will they think? Will they reject my growth? What if there's no longer room for me to stay where I feel comfortable? What if I outgrow my space? Where do I go then? Will...