i am afraid

I think I've figured out my house analogy: I don't feel safe.

I'm doing so much self development. And it's helping but the downside is all the things I used to do to make me feel safe aren't viable if I want to keep growing.

I'm scared because I feel vulnerable. I'm scared because vulnerability feels unsafe. It feels unsafe because I have opened myself up to the world in a way I don't recall me ever doing. 

I don't know how to protect myself and that scares me. And now I'm tearing up. I'm scared because if I can't even self-soothe enough to keep from pulling my hair out, how am I supposed to protect and defend myself when the time comes. 

I don't know if I can rely on this new updated version of myself to keep me safe. I don't know what to do and it makes me feel hopeless.

How old is too old to start back sleeping with a bear? Thinking back, I used to always carry one of three things (if I couldn't carry them all): two stuffed animals and my blanket. 

Also thinking back, things like that seem like red flags for issues I've probably always had.