no more Dom

 I no longer have a Dom.

And because he ended things during the Carbon Monoxide Chaos, I really didn't understand that until about a week ago.

I knew that we'd talked about pumping the breaks because he has rough working ours and given our time zones, it just isn't feasible to be fully committed like we should be.

I knew we'd only played like twice since then, and we hadn't been talking as much. I took it as rejection. But it just donned on me this week that pumping the breaks was basically removing the labels and essentially ending the relationship. And I thought I would be sad about it. I mean, I do miss him and all the things he did, all the things he made me feel. But I don't feel sad. I'm not angry, not upset, not longing for what was. I'm just like "Shoot. Okay"

I guess I just expected to feel something more. I don't know.

I messaged him a few nights ago just to make sure I am in fact "free to do what I want." He said yes.

So I'm alone. And I don't mean that dramatically, I mean it as is. I have no attachments in the "love department." Not that I did love or do love him. He's super nice and I like him alot but we purposely kept things pretty surface level, except for a few safe exceptions.

I just need to figure out what I want to do now. Do I want to spend this time with myself? Do I want to go on the hunt again? Or do I want to sign up for the official BDSM pairing site? Or maybe a local class or group or something? I don't know.

I really enjoyed it while it lasted. We played for a few years off and on and I was never disappointed. Did he piss me off a few times, sure. But, for the most part, he only made me feel body-tingling pleasure.

But yeah. That D/s relationship is officially over and I think it's for real this time.