what living looks like

 Maybe it's just today. Maybe it's been always. Maybe I'm just coming to the realization. I don't like my family. When you're younger, you have double blinders. One set you've naturally put on yourself and one set your guardians have put on to extend your blinders. I am currently drinking a 50ml bottle of Jager simply because I want to and I can. Also, if I'm drunk for the rest of today, at least I'm still alive. (Just fyi: Slippery slope, do not try this at home) I have always felt like I was placed in a family that fit me, but it was always either too tight or too loose of a fit. Someone may be reading this and saying "well that's dramatic" and to that I say "I don't give a fuck." I have spend my twenty six years in this family being silenced. Ok, now that's dramatic. Not so much silenced as censored outside what we perceive as normal. Sure kids shouldn't cuss, they shouldn't insult people freely, etc. But lookin...

I got a raise. I got more hours at work. I'm getting my very first insurance policy. I should be able to live on my own comfortably. Except I have a vet bill that is $150 a month. For the family dog that only I really take care of. Along with the $50 dog food and the $25 puppy pads each month. So that's $225 in dog expenses. For a dog I didn't want. For a dog my sisters and I were supposed to share responsibility for. For a dog that I do love and I'm going to keep. It's just now I'll need to come up with a dog fee, a dog deposit, that vet bill will take about 5 years to pay off on schedule. I just don't like how this is going. I wished the outcome would be better. I hoped that now that I don't have a car note and I'm making more money an hour, I could move out without a problem. More money should equal more opportunity. And I'm sure it does. I'm sure it will. I just don't think it will be the opportunity I had in mind. I'm resenting t...