writing makes me feel better

I've stepped away from writing for a hot minute because I was so everything. I was stressed. I was overwhelmed. I was over-planning. I was trying to disconnect. I was trying to pick a show to watch. Trying to decide on a movie. I just really couldn't make simple decisions. I honestly just can't remember a time when I was like that. Usually, I can at least just say "eff it" and click on something to watch or listen to that will suck me in. But I just can't. I just started back watching Netflix, little by little. And it's not that I haven't sporadically watched stuff, but I'm a binger. I sit, I watch, and I do some scrolling, or writing, or doodles. 

Stay with me lol. This is really going somewhere good (for the most part). But once I wrote those most recent post, I started to feel better. To get that off of my chest, those thoughts out of my brain. It's like I have room for more things, brighter things. I wonder if I was dreading before? Is that what dread feels like? I don't know. But just yell-typing into the black hole that is the internet works. Even today, when my boss would get all pissy. They got pissy with a customer today. Not like them vs the customer. The customer and them were pissy all together. All loud and obnoxiously smarter than the rest of the world I-have-all-the-answers pissy. And I just kept thinking, "these people are the brattiest adult children I have ever met." And I've just come to realize, they legit don't know better. They like to pretend, but they really just can't know any better. They damn well should, but there's no way that they do. Decent people can disagree, can make their ideas or theories or stances known in a way that doesn't belittle, crush, and antagonize others. They can't do that.

And I'm not even mad. Or disappointed. It is what it is. I've been at this company for years, been some kind of version of friends with them for years, and they just aren't mature. They're of age, they're adults, but they aren't where decent people should be. Even subpar decent people. And that has nothing to do with me. I'm washing my hands of it. I'm giving myself permission to feel upset, or perturbed, or agitated when I feel like it. But I'm also accepting the fact that they will probably, most likely, be immature forever. So either I'm going to be upset forever behind these idiots, or I'm going to give myself the space I deserve. 

So, today is better. The end lol.