talking to myself. maybe.

Well, I'm pulling out hairs so I need to keep my fingers moving. I added ads to this blog. I've tried a couple different formats to see what isn't as "BAM, I'M AN AD!" What do you guys think?

~

Yep. Ok. Well. Today was pretty chill, but it wasn't. Confusing, right? I'm trying to think. Something good that I can dwell in for the time being. A happy place or story that I can share. Something that we being me joy and maybe bring you joy. My art is coming along great. I think I'm finally starting to get a notion of what I like, what I don't like, what I absolutely love to make. I'm still thinking up ideas, writing them down when I can.

I'm alive and well, for the most part. That's always good. I'm very grateful for where I am in life. Every time I get to a point where I'm just like "what the f*ck", I just think wtf and then I sit in it for a second. And then I tell myself this moment will be a "remember that time" kind of thing. In other words, right now it's messy as hell, but in the future it won't matter as much. It will pass. When I look back at it later on, I'll either cringe, smile, or be a little encouraged. I may feel alot of things. But I won't be worried. Unless it's like a huge lie, or a big life event, or something crazy that could affect my future, buuuuuuut lol. Realistically, usually, it's a small blip on the radar. It looks like it could be a really big problem, and maybe it is. But once I get past it, I'm past it. It will be another accomplishment, another gold star for me lol. 

Especially if it's a moment where I could have frozen up and freaked out. If I didn't, if I pushed through fear and tears and stress and pressure, etc. It's even more of like "hey, I did that. I may not have even wanted to, may have had to cry in the bathroom a few times during it, but I did it." Have anyone ever felt that way? Or is this rambling just like bleh?

Meh. It makes sense to me right now. Later, maybe not. I don't know. Can't make any promises to future me. But to me, on this day of night (ha), it makes sense. Welp. I hope that helps someone even in the slightest of ways. It's a small tip that's told many ways over and over, but this way, this sense of pausing in the moment of spiraling and like doing a look to camera -- "hey girl. This is crazy right. But you got this. Maybe. Probably. But keep going anyhow. Put up a good fight, make an effort. And one day you'll look back at this moment and be like 'I did that shit!' Ok. See you later girl. And maybe try to settle in yourself, juuust a little. Love you." It just works for me that way. 

That's all I got, people. Signing off.