i quit today (basically) and it was pretty shitty

I did the whole redirection thing. "I'm leaving, but don't be sad. Or do. Here, eat your feelings."

One wants to quit, then wanted me to move in and the other was just in disbelief.

Then we all went to our desks after a moment of me giving the why and timeline, etc. They both were stirring. One was immediately came out and said to make sure I don't leave anything undone. I need to finish all my orders. At a certain date, I just need to stop taking orders completely. Then she grabs the calendar and flips to see when is a good time. Then she's like we'll have to find a date and you just can't take orders after that. And I just tuned it out while my friend kind of politely budded in to redirect the conversation.

And then it turned into a "why did you wait so long to tell us?" What?? Are you serious? I just found out at the end of last week. So it's literally been a week day, a weekend, and another week day. Why do you need to be a bitch right now? This isn't even about you. It's about me! And your responses so far have been all about you. All about this job.

Then the other one starts in with sly remarks about how we could have just gotten rid of a desk. We won't need it. We'll have to promote my friend. (Meanwhile she's like uhm, ha haaaa no please). Then he gets snippy with her and starts pestering. Then he leaves to run an errand.

So yeah. It was fucking fantastic. I literally wanted to cry. I've been reeling, spiraling, beating myself up over when and how I was going to tell them. I did everything I could to be thoughtful and was accused of being thoughtless. I just can't win. I beat myself up for nothing. Nothing pleased them. I get that it's hard news but can we address my feelings, my emotions?

I'm sure I'm missing pieces of the story because I tried to block it out. I didn't want to write about it because I didn't want to relive it. One of them told me to prepare for the wrath of the other and meanwhile, she's the bitch. I didn't expect them to be elated, but I don't know. I guess I expected more out of them. More out of adults.

I should mention she did message me late last night. I was just about to use it as a way to convince myself I'm overreacting, but no. Her first message to me was about my sister and rebuilding that relationship. Then she was sad, but happy. Then a generic "God's got this". no offense, God. You know what I mean. It just feels routine. Not genuine. And I know I can't be the judge of that, but that's how I feel. It all feels so..... I don't know. It just made me feel like well, crap. Push me away and right on out the door then. Again, fucking fantastic.