today is ok

I'm thinking today is better for the most part. Definitely woke up full of anxiety, but I've been watching Impractical Jokers all morning and it's definitely helping my mood. I really feel like I should have gone to church today but I also don't have the energy to fake happiness for that many people. I know "come as you are" but I don't want that attention right now. Also, my church story is a whole nother topic for a day where I'm not refueling. I'm church hopping right now. 

Still at my boss's house, lips dry, shoes off. Super chillaxed. At least until they make it back. I'm thinking after that I'm going to unpack my car, then go get food. Or maybe take a shower and then get food. I don't know. I'm not really a fan of winging it when I'm stressed. I like to have as much control as possible. Perfect segway for my trichotillomania.

Developed that since I went natural. I always use to pull at my eyelashes and eyebrows, but for some reason I started to get ingrown hairs on my head once I went natural. And it always seems like it's where the grey hairs come in. It friggin sucks. I have gotten better since I got this tattoo as a reminder to get out of my head, but it's still a journey. I'll find a bump and pull away until I get the hair that has like this shiny, clear coating on the top. As soon as I pull it out, it's a huge release. I feel so much better and the bump goes away. But the catch is it's takes a few (lotta) hairs to find that one. I know it's dumb and I have picked q nice, smooth little spot clean before. Still working in it though what can I say. 

~

Ducked out of my boss's house earlier. Went to see Maleficent. Treated myself to it in 3D. I actually felt better afterwards. I have gone to the movies in a while as a way of punishing myself. I felt like I was failing (ok maybe flipping) flopping at everything and I didn't deserve to have fun. I buried my head in working late to stay ahead and working til morning to stay on top of school work. I'm a part-time student at an ecollege. Also another story for another day. Even after punishing myself, I still missed a submission date (my teacher was nice enough to mark it complete even though it was late) and I missed a quiz. Took it a couple days later, made an A or B (idk) but I still need to check and see if he will count it. 

I think I'm learning the harder I am on myself, the more I feel defeated and the less I'm able to accomplish. It's like turning off my light and still expecting to be able to see. I can't. I won't. It's also dumb. Good God, who am I? I'll work on that is becoming my new motto. There's also some attachment issues I can get to down the road. I'll also save that for another time. I'm out.