my boss likes to yell

Good God my boss like to yell. It's not even screaming. It's like raised voice with a hint of anger and frustration. *Takes a deep breath to rid myself of guilt for speaking my mind* Ok. Here's what happened.

Thursday: he yells about outstanding invoices. Understandable. Then he yells at me, asking questions, cutting me off, giving me smart aleck responses. What do I do: take it in front of his wife, sister, and friend/ my friend/ co-worker. Mind you, I'm not the only one who has customers with invoices out, no one has time to go through invoices because it's so busy, and I literally work my ass off. I do art, bill out, take in payments, post payments, etc etc etc. I'm freaking busy. What does my work ethic warrant, him telling me I'm gonna have to start getting approval to let someone walk out without paying. I was livid. Then he continues to gripe, literally only at me, and then he decides ask me about checks I've also received. I have them, but I haven't attached them to anything yet. Because I'm busy. So he matched in front of my desk and makes me call out every check and total while he pulls invoices. Meanwhile, you can hear freaking crickets. No one else has said a word. I'm just getting my ass ripped without a care in the world at freaking 9am. Then my voice is cracking and I'm trying to keep it together because that's what happens when you're pissed but helpless. I tough it out as best I can and just steer clear of him as much as I can given we work together. He goes back to normal while I feel like shit the rest of the day.

Today: he marches inside, beelining towards me. "Why does this paperwork not have art with it? Where's this order? They're looking for stuff to print. This could've been printed. What have I said about putting orders outside with no art or pictures?" Then I have to politely (because I have to be polite) find a pause in this rant to say "that's not my order. That's your sister's" Same audience, everyone's quiet. Before that I get reamed by both of them about a sign in working on. "It's too much like the one's we just did. Change it. You can't do that. You need to tell her xyz. We never do xyz. Wait until xyz." The whole time I'm being double reamed I'm just like "I thought this was what I'm supposed to do. I can change it. I just thought this was the way I was supposed to go." Still "we never do xyz. No, when you do xyz you can't just xyz." Then lil parrot me "I get it. I can change it. I honestly thought this is what I was supposed to do."

I don't understand what the deal is. I work so hard and I'm always going above and beyond and I'm always working with them in mind. But I've been the target of so much obvious aggression lately that no one has addressed. I don't want to bring it up because who's gonna back me? No one. So here I am, writing for me to read later. Cause let's be honest, who else is reading this. I've just been avoiding him as much as I respectfully can. I love talking and laughing with him. Just when I thought I was getting comfortable enough to be more of myself, I'm right back in my shell. It fucking sucks, too. But I'm a big girl who knows what battles to fight. I can take a small L now for the more important win in my season. I know God sees me and will get down in the mirey clay beside me to raise me up. 

I keep thinking about Job in the Bible. How in the world did he do it? God basically gambled on him and said "do your worst" and Job stuck it out. (I say gambled, but I know God made that promise to Job.) Am I a watered-down version of Job? Like, I'm struggling all on my own. I don't need anyone to pick fights with me to bring me down even more. I don't understand what his deal is. I just know, if I can document when it happens, I can see the pattern more clearly and figure out what the eff is going on.