what living looks like

Tonight I think I realized my sister has a legit problem. I created a draft to talk about this later, but something happened tonight  that really makes me feel sick. I'm thinking alot of thoughts so I'm gonna try to make this make sense. It's coming up on the anniversary of our Big Blowup so the timing couldn't been better. I really, really wanted to do this later cause I don't want to go back there. *deep breath* I'm gonna focus on recent events. So the other day, we stopped at McDonald's when we made it back into town. We went to visit some family. Well, my mom calls my sister to talk to her cause she likes to talk on the phone while she drives. I immediately put headphones in cause I ain't got time. Well from the time we passed by the mall in til we made it to McDonald's everything was meh. She was talking all ridiculous and over-the-top, then it switched. She just starts picking a fight with her husband. And Lord help him, she's a fucking dic...

Good God my boss like to yell. It's not even screaming. It's like raised voice with a hint of anger and frustration. *Takes a deep breath to rid myself of guilt for speaking my mind* Ok. Here's what happened. Thursday: he yells about outstanding invoices. Understandable. Then he yells at me, asking questions, cutting me off, giving me smart aleck responses. What do I do: take it in front of his wife, sister, and friend/ my friend/ co-worker. Mind you, I'm not the only one who has customers with invoices out, no one has time to go through invoices because it's so busy, and I literally work my ass off. I do art, bill out, take in payments, post payments, etc etc etc. I'm freaking busy. What does my work ethic warrant, him telling me I'm gonna have to start getting approval to let someone walk out without paying. I was livid. Then he continues to gripe, literally only at me, and then he decides ask me about checks I've also received. I have them, but I have...

I'm thinking today is better for the most part. Definitely woke up full of anxiety, but I've been watching Impractical Jokers  all morning and it's definitely helping my mood. I really feel like I should have gone to church today but I also don't have the energy to fake happiness for that many people. I know "come as you are" but I don't want that attention right now. Also, my church story is a whole nother topic for a day where I'm not refueling. I'm church hopping right now.  Still at my boss's house, lips dry, shoes off. Super chillaxed. At least until they make it back. I'm thinking after that I'm going to unpack my car, then go get food. Or maybe take a shower and then get food. I don't know. I'm not really a fan of winging it when I'm stressed. I like to have as much control as possible. Perfect segway for my trichotillomania. Developed that since I went natural. I always use to pull at my eyelashes and eyebrows, but f...

It's a Saturday in Louisiana's weird version of fall. Meaning it's hot af outside. But my heart is cold. Please, hold your applause. I'm single. I've never had a real boyfriend. I've talked to guys (literally 3), but it's never gone anywhere. Not only am I single, I'm also a virgin. No lie, no weird crazy reason, just waiting til marriage. What do single virgins do on a Saturday night? They Google "hobbies for single introverts." Newsflash: one of them was blogging. Which is something Awkward  from MTV (right?) made me curious about x amount of years ago.  Now, I'm sitting up watching Nikki Glaser's Netflix special at my boss's house while he and his family are out of town. I'm dog watching their-- dog obviously. I figured this should be like an intro for whoever happens across this page. I love the Lord (he heard my cry), I'm black, politically independent, and financially sorta dependent on my parents. Meaning I live with ...